What is Social Emotional Learning?

If you’ve ever wondered:

“Why is my child melting down over small things?”
“How can I help them be kinder, braver, more confident?”

…you’re already thinking about social emotional learning – even if you’ve never heard the term before.

Social Emotional Learning (SEL) is simply the process through which children learn to:

• Make responsible choices
• Understand and name their feelings
• Calm themselves when they’re upset
• Show empathy and kindness
• Build healthy friendships

Researchers and education bodies like CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning) describe SEL as developing skills in five main areas or five core SEL competencies:

• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible decision-making CASEL

The Singapore Ministry of Education (MOE) and the Nurturing Early Learners (NEL) Framework use very similar language, emphasising self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management and responsible decision-making as key competencies for children’s personal and social well-being.

These are not “soft extras.” Multiple large meta-analyses of school-based SEL programs show that children who participate in SEL:

• Have better social and emotional skills and behavior,
• Show less emotional distress and fewer conduct problems, and
• Make academic gains equivalent to an 11-percentile-point improvement in performance compared to peers without SEL.

In other words: SEL is about helping children grow a strong heart and a wise mind – not just getting good grades.

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Why Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Matters for Kids

In the early years, children are still learning to “name” their emotions and understand what’s happening in their body and brain. Without SEL, we often see:

• Frequent tantrums and meltdowns
• Inability to identify and express emotions
• Lack of empathy and emotional resilience
• Difficulty sharing or taking turns
• Fear of trying new things or fear of failure
• Low confidence and negative self-talk
• Trouble focusing or following classroom routines

When we embed SEL into daily life, we help children develop:

• Emotional awareness – “I feel angry / scared / excited.”
• Self-control – “I can take a breath and don’t have to shout or hit.”
• Empathy – “My friend looks sad; I can comfort them.”
• Kindness and cooperation – sharing, helping, apologizing, thanking.
• Focus, resilience and motivation – staying with a task even when it’s hard.

Longitudinal research suggests that early social and emotional competence predicts later school adjustment, mental health and relationships. Kids who learn to handle emotions early are better equipped to cope with stress, peer pressure and life changes as teens and adults

Key idea for parents & teachers:

When kids learn to name and manage their feelings, they grow calmer, kinder, and more ready to learn.

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Why Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Matters for Families

Home is the first “SEL classroom.” Children learn how to handle emotions by watching how adults react to stress, conflict, disappointment, and joy.

Without SEL at home, families may face:

• Power struggles and shouting matches
• Children who “shut down” instead of opening up
• Sibling conflicts that escalate quickly
• Parents feeling guilty, overwhelmed, or unsure what to say

With SEL, families can become spaces of emotional safety:

• Children feel safe to say “I’m scared” or “I’m sad.”
• Parents learn to validate feelings (“I see you’re upset”) before teaching behaviour.
• Conflicts are solved with calm conversations and problem-solving rather than threats or shame.

This is closely related to “emotion coaching” – a parenting approach studied by John Gottman and colleagues. Emotion-coaching parents help children notice and name feelings, calm down, and problem-solve. Research links this style to better emotional regulation, social skills, attention, and even better physical health in children.

Practical SEL tools for home:

• Use feeling words every day: “You look disappointed…”, “That must feel frustrating.”
• Create a calm corner or “feelings space” at home with cushions, books, and drawing materials.
• Model self-talk: “I’m stressed, so I’ll take three deep breaths before I decide what to do.”

When families practice SEL, home becomes a place of care, respect, and understanding – not just rules.

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Why Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Matters for Schools

Schools are not just academic spaces; they are social and emotional ecosystems.

Research on school-based SEL programs shows:

• Improved classroom behaviour and fewer discipline problems
• Stronger peer relationships and classroom climate
• Higher academic achievement and engagement
• Reduced emotional distress, anxiety, and problem behaviors

A recent contemporary meta-analysis suggests that universal school-based SEL programs continue to show positive effects across social, emotional, behavioral, and academic domains when well-implemented. A 2024 review of SEL in early childhood found that classroom SEL programmes can reduce problem behaviours and prevent later school maladjustment.

In Singapore, SEL is formally recognized within the national education system, which highlights five key SEL competencies (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, and responsible decision-making) and integrates them into school programs and guidance structures. SEL and “21st Century Competencies” are explicitly embedded into the national education framework here. MOE highlights social-emotional competencies as essential for children to develop healthy identities, manage emotions, build positive relationships and act for the good of self and society.

This means schools and parents are meant to be partners in nurturing these skills—not leaving it only to teachers.

An even more recent review in the Review of Educational Research (summarised by Parents in 2025) reported that SEL programmes were linked to an average 8.4% improvement in academic performance, including better literacy and maths scores.

So SEL isn’t “soft stuff” separate from learning. It fuels learning.

For teachers and school leaders, SEL means:

• Fewer disruptions and more time for teaching
• A safer, more predictable environment for all learners
• Students who can work in teams, solve conflicts, and persist through challenges
• Alignment with 21st-century competencies like resilience, global awareness, and collaboration

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The 5 Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Superpowers – A Quick Guide

These are the “SEL superpowers” every child can learn:

1. Self-Awareness

Recognizing one’s emotions, thoughts, strengths, and limitations.
This means being able to express feelings : “I feel nervous before tests; I’m also good at asking for help.”

• “What am I feeling?”
• “What am I good at? What is hard for me?”
• “What do I care about?”

2. Self-Management

Regulating emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.
This is all about:

• Calming down when upset
• Waiting, taking turns, managing impulses
• Setting goals and working towards them

3. Social Awareness

Understanding others’ perspectives and showing empathy.
For instance, this gives the ability to:

• Noticing how other people feel
• Respecting differences (different backgrounds, abilities, cultures)
• Showing empathy and kindness

4. Relationship Skills

Building and maintaining healthy, supportive relationships.
This is enabled by skills like:

• Sharing, taking turns, cooperating
• Listening, thanking, apologizing when required, and communicating
• Handling conflicts (without hitting or name-calling)

5. Responsible Decision-Making

Making caring, ethical choices about personal and social behavior.
This is when kids can:

• Think about consequences
• Make safe, ethical choices
• Do what’s right even when it’s hard
• Keep themselves and others safe

You don’t need to teach these skills as “subjects.” Children pick them up through daily life, especially through the way we talk, respond and model behavior at home and/or school, other experiences.

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SEL Is Built on Values

SEL is not about “perfect behaviour.” It is about teaching children:

• What kind of person they want to be (kind, fair, honest, brave)
• How to act in line with those values, even when emotions are big

Values like kindness, respect, empathy, courage, and responsibility become the “compass” that guides behaviour. SEL gives children the tools to follow that compass.

When we combine values + SEL skills, children grow into:

• Caring classmates
• Supportive friends
• Ethical professionals
• Great partners
• Compassionate citizens

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Why Parents and Families Matter So Much for SEL

Research consistently finds that parent involvement is strongly linked to children’s social skills and emotional development:

• A large study by El Nokali and colleagues found that increased parent involvement was associated with fewer behavior problem and better social skills in children over time.
• A 2024 study showed that family involvement predicted better school engagement and social-emotional development.
• Systematic reviews highlight that parents strongly influence children’s attitudes, emotional functioning and relationships outside the family.
• Recent work also shows that home-based involvement, such as talking about school, creating routines and playing together, is linked to stronger social-emotional strengths in children.

The message is clear:

You, as a parent or caregiver, are a powerful SEL teacher—every single day.

The good news? You don’t need fancy materials or a psychology degree. Small, everyday practices go a very long way.

How Parents & Teachers Can Work Together

• Share common emotional language (e.g., “calm down strategy,” “use your feeling words”).
• Plan joint activities: gratitude jars, feelings check-ins, kindness challenges.
• Communicate regularly about what SEL themes are being taught in school and reinforce them at home.

How to Explain SEL to Your Child (in One Sentence)

Try this simple script:

“Social emotional learning is when we practise using our heart and brain together – so we can understand feelings, be kind to others, and make good choices.”

You can even turn it into a little family mantra:

“In our family, we use kind hearts, calm bodies and clever brains to solve problems.”

Big Picture:

SEL isn’t just a school program or a parenting trend. It’s an investment in our children’s lifelong wellbeing, relationships, and success.

Happy parenting!