Ever wondered why babies cry more around moms?

Does your newborn cry when you pick them up, or did they do that when they were newborns or infants?

Do your helpers or fellow caretakers calm them down successfully, or did they do it back then?

After they accomplish the task that you failed at, do they claim that the baby likes them more than they like the mom, or did they say so back then?

Then you are at the right place, read on…

I had to encounter this situation too, after I had my baby. It was traumatizing for me. You carry a baby for 9 months and go through so much pain to give birth. You spend sleepless nights to take care of the baby. And then, when somebody tells you something like that, it really hurts. Aside from the fact that such people are being insensitive, you should also realize that they know nothing about how babies operate. Back then I also did not know how babies really worked. Now, after reading up a lot and doing a course in psychology, I think I know and understand such situations a lot better.

So, firstly, such claims made by insensitive guests or relatives are false. Ask them to wait for another few months to find out why. Secondly, the baby knows that there is no point wasting their precious energy crying in other people’s hands. This is precisely because they have nothing to offer the baby, and the baby knows that. Babies know exactly who their primary caregiver and nurturer is. That is why they cry when picked up by their moms. Now, doesn’t that make a lot more sense?

Babies Cry More Around Moms – Supporting research to make you feel even better

So, I was pondering over my relatives’ false claims for quite some time. That is when I came across this article on why babies cry more for mom. And believe me, it was so relieving. As my daughter started growing she started showing everybody else their place in her life. So right now I have enough reasons to believe this and many such articles.

As per such articles, if you are a mom, there is no need to feel bad when your baby cries while they are with you. It is something to be happy about. You have an intelligent baby out there. Your baby understands who is of use and who is not.

So why could my baby be crying after all? 

Babies can cry for food, diaper change, comfort, sleep, or for simply being picked up and carried around, etc. Babies are more fussy with their moms because they expect more from you. You are their primary caregiver – the only one who can respond with food – which is obviously their most important need as a baby. To them you are as good as a bottle of milk, or even better because you can also entertain them, snuggle with them, and make them feel safe around you.

They crave their mother’s attention though other people in the house might respond to their needs. It is like a biological instinct. This is same for bottle fed babies as well. Though dads or other people might help feed them, they tend to cry more around mom than dad. Also, an infant or newborn’s way of getting a mom’s attention is by crying when the mom is around or while being held by her.

To add on, moms generally respond faster than anyone else when her baby cries. This could be another reason why the sound effects blare when mom is around. Babies have a great sense of smell, so they can smell their milk bottle rather quickly, if in the vicinity.

As per the background of a research published in Current Biology, “Mother-infant bonding is the earliest and most critical social relationship of mammalian infants. To promote this bond, infants have innate behaviors to seek maternal proximity and protest upon separation via communication with the mother vocally and through body movement.” So newborns tend to cry more around moms, but not so much around dads or other people who care for them.

Babies are not dictators – Period!

All these aforementioned facts and research further reinstate the fact that crying should not be mistaken for infants trying to control their parents. There will be at least a dozen people around you who will suggest letting the baby cry it out. What happens if you do that often is that the baby starts to feel that there is no one they can trust, or who will respond quickly when they are in need. This will result in the development of mistrust.

As per Erikson’s stages of development, “During the first stage of psychosocial development, children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust.” This can in turn impact their further development stages and life as they grow. Read our article on how parents can help in child development.

Holding a crying baby and helping them calm down by walking or trying other calming techniques can also help reduce cases of infant abuse/ maltreatment.

So why do we think babies cry more around moms?

So, listen up moms, next time your baby cries on being picked up by you, keep these in mind

• Mom is the most important person to a baby with whom the baby has a special bonding right from the time they were in her womb.
• Be it any baby, for them, milk snacks are as good as milk meals, and no milk is ever enough milk for an infant. To add on, suckling is a totally soothing experience for a baby any time.
• Babies are not dictators. They are not capable of controlling parents. They are designed to be dependent on their parents for survival. So, respond to their cries and coos as fast as you can.
• Take comments and advice from guests and relatives with a pinch of salt. Do not let them ruin your relationship with your baby. You are welcome to ruin your relationship with the guests though, that‘s your call. Keep negative energy at an arm’s distance always.

Team up with your husband to keep negative energy at bay.

Happy parenting!

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