Were we informed parents at any time? – Let us see. When I was expecting my baby, all everyone told me about was:

• what kind of clothes or accessories to get for the baby,
• what to get for myself so that I can take better care of the baby,
• how they gave birth,
• how their birth process was superior to everyone else’s,
• and blah blah blah

I was also working back then. I was tracking the baby’s physical development on one of the apps. Not even the updates there ever said anything about what kind of emotional care a baby or growing child might need. Basically, no one ever told me how our care could impact a child’s emotional development.

So, like all parents I did it my way. I mimicked what my mom and dad did for me. What must have they done when we were kids? I tried to take the best of both whenever possible. 

Right information helps to filter advice overdose & fight inner demons better!

I got all kinds of advice from a lot of wrongly informed parents or even non-parents:

• feed baby water at night, so she will stop waking up at night for feeds,
• leave the baby to cry and she will get used to not being attended to,
• and even more non-sensical blah blah blah

Though I never heeded the advice, there were a lot of people who did. I knew that a baby’s tummy cannot handle water other than in the form of mother’s milk or formula. Thankfully, that knowledge helped. Also, I used to find it stressful when she cried for too long. So I never let her be in that state for too long. My baby was probably a little bit lucky those two times.

What I did wrong though was that later while managing a toddler, work, and home, I ended up getting angry with my growing child too often. I used to clean up small messes without much fuss.

I remember this particular incident. Once she had pushed her plate from atop her feeding chair. I was tired after a long day at work. The food splashed all over and under the table. All I could do was scold her while she sat staring at my reaction and did not even cry or look sorry. I wish I had known better how to manage my anger. I wish I had known that she was trying to explore, and my anger would have only scared her and not taught her anything.

More Wrong Advice and Reactions

At work I had friends telling me that kids just grow up on their own. “They don’t need all this attention that you wish you could give them.” I even had teammates complain about all the background noise when my toddler kept talking to me while I was on calls from home (especially during COVID time). All I could do was mute the call and let someone else do the talking for me. This went on for quite some time. One fine day I realized that this little being who adores me despite the little attention I give her is who actually needs more of my time. The hypocrites at work don’t really deserve it.

When I closed my laptop everyday, there was always this little being eagerly waiting for me despite the ten times I might have distracted her away from my vicinity.

My journey to being one of the slightly rightly informed parents

Finally, I decided to give her what she deserves and took a break for good. I am not saying that all of you have to do the same. If you have enough support and help, and if your workplace is healthier, there are always better options. Again everyone is in a different situation, condition, environment – so choose what suits you and your needs and dear ones’ best.

Having said that, there were a lot of mistakes that I had wanted to correct. I started reading up on psychology, child psychology, even did a diploma course in it. That was when I realized how important it is for every expecting or new parent, or parent at any stage to know more of these things.

Slightest things like letting a baby cry might quieten the baby after a few tries, but the impact such actions can have on them is going to be lifelong. They might find it difficult to develop trust in anyone as they grow up. Read more about this in our post on Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development or at this website for more detailed information on the stages. For parents who have already made at least a few of these mistakes, know that it is never too late to make repairs and be there for your little one.

We need more right information

That was just one bit of it. I wondered why I was not taught these basics when we had counselling sessions before giving birth. All they teach you about is how to hold your baby, change diapers and how to feed them.

Why doesn’t any hospital tell us more about how we parents impact our child’s psychosocial development right from day one? Why is emotional development of kids taken for granted until the kid is diagnosed with mental health issues? I still have these questions bombarding my head every time I think about it. I still cannot say that I am one of those well informed parents, but I have a basic idea, and am much better off than before.

Do tell us how you feel about this topic. Please feel free to share your experiences as well. Let us try to learn from each other in this journey of becoming more informed parents, and make emotionally healthier kids.

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