Ever wondered about how to prepare older siblings for a new baby in the family? This is one tricky question that gets all parents worried and tired. I still remember when I had a baby brother. Somehow I remember a few incidents that went completely wrong, more than the right ones. Maybe I still have some guilt left in there. I don’t remember how I was prepared for his arrival. Way back then, I am sure parents did not have any book or blog to go by. So they must have just gone with the flow I guess.

I remember once my mother had asked me to sit beside him while she was going for a shower. He was just a few months old then. Only god knows why my cousin and I decided to carry him all the way from one room to another. I was 5 years old and small. This little guy was heavy for me and by the time we could keep him on the bed in the other room, he was on the floor.

Luckily he was swaddled thick and tight – and looked like a huge cotton ball. That’s the way they did it in Mumbai back then. Thanks for that. Else I cannot imagine what havoc I must have wrecked that day. I don’t really remember getting scolded. All I remember is the incident that happened.

One More Disaster & A Few Good Deeds

Another one was when some guests came and they did not bother to give me much attention. They were too much into the new baby. I remember jumping across him hoping to garner some attention. Again though my mother tells me it was scary and that I got scolded badly, I don’t remember any of that. I only remember my actions that day. Maybe I knew all along that I didn’t do a good job as a sister those two times. Maybe I still have that guilt within me.

But yes, I remember being good to him too – helping to dress him up, cuddling him and all that. I had even fed him some cake on my birthday which I was not supposed to have done and he smacked his lips happily. Well, this time he got scolded because he had relished something that he should not have, and I realized through the process that I should not have fed him the cake. Luckily it was only a tiny bit.

Looking back, I realize how important it is to prepare older siblings for a new baby. These moments stick with us, and I don’t want other kids to carry guilt or confusion like I did. So, for all the parents navigating this transition, here are some essential tips to help your firstborn adjust to their new sibling. And yes, I totally understand the turmoil that some parents and families go through in such situations. So this is for everyone, and here it goes.

Prepare Older Siblings by Involving them in the Pregnancy Process

Share the News Thoughtfully

Inform your child about the upcoming sibling in an age-appropriate manner, ensuring they hear it from you first. It might be difficult to explain the whole thing to kids aged 1 to 2 years. Most of them must have not started communicating properly. So, you can get board books on siblings to get them accustomed to the new idea. You can even take them to meet families that have siblings. For children until 4 years of age, it might be difficult to grasp the whole idea of sharing their parents with someone else. So watch video stories together, read board books, spend time with families that have more than 1 kid, etc.

For older kids, you can get follow the same strategy. Well, for this age group we do have helpful videos and story books on this topic. Get our picture book on welcoming a new sibling to the family and read it together. This will give them a better idea about how to help with a new baby and also answer some of the most important questions like – Will I be less loved when a new baby comes? Why I am feeling jealous? and so on. Also take help from partner, family, friends or you can even get paid help to ensure that the older child’s routine does not get affected much.

Having said that, keep aside some time for you to spend with the older child every day to ensure that they do not feel left out in all the excitement and chaos that pregnancy and childbirth brings.

Include Them in Preparations

Let your child assist in setting up the nursery, selecting baby items, or choosing a special toy for the baby. This involvement can make them feel valued and connected to the new arrival. You could even plan the new child’s name such that it complements or adds to the older child. For instance, in our book the older sibling’s name is Moon. The parents name the new child “Taara” which means star in Hindi when they get a clue from their interactions that Moon will like that name. Watch the video to know more.

Set Realistic Expectations & Prepare Older Siblings

Discuss Baby Behavior

Be honest. Tell them how cute and cuddly the newborn will be. Meanwhile, also explain that newborns will cry, eat, sleep a lot, poop, repeat, and require significant attention. You can even tell them that they can expect a lot of spit ups and sleepless nights for the baby initially. This will help your child understand what to anticipate. Show their own baby photos and videos to help them get this better. If they are old enough to communicate and can help, get them excited about helping with taking care of the baby in little ways.

Meanwhile, instead of always making it about the baby you should also tell them how special they are – that the baby will look up to them to learn, play and they will be the baby’s first role model and superhero. This will help them feel important and valued.

Emphasize the Temporary Nature

Reassure them that while the baby will need a lot of care initially, this phase is temporary, and the baby will eventually become a playmate. Also let them know that the baby will not be able to play with them right away. Assure them lots of cuddles and cute moments though.

Maintain Consistency in Routines to Prepare Older Siblings

Avoid Major Changes

If possible, complete significant transitions (like moving to a new room or toilet training) well before the baby’s arrival to prevent your child from associating these changes with the new sibling. Else keep it for later and let the older child continue as they are until everyone gets settled after the new baby’s arrival. This will lessen the elder sibling’s stress because arrival of a new baby itself will bring a lot of changes to everyone’s life.

In some cultures, especially in India, the expecting mother moves to her mother’s place for delivery. In such cases make sure that you explain in advance to your elder child about the arrangement so it will not come as a sudden shock. Further, be it any major change (like change in school, home, etc.), ensure that they are informed well in advance to avoid difficulty in transitioning.

Also let them know in advance if you are having a hospital birth. Tell them about what arrangements have been made, who they will be with until you are back, and that you will be back with their baby sibling from the hospital. You can even give a trial run while everything is still normal and while you are around.

Preserve Daily Rituals

Keep up with your child’s regular activities and routines to provide a sense of stability. Take help if necessary. Meanwhile also make sure that you spend some quality time with them after leaving the well-fed newborn with your partner or someone else in the house. Use the time to read, play or talk to them. Listen to them and try to answer their qualms and queries. Try to understand and validate their feelings. At times, you could even let them cuddle with you while the newborn is being fed, or cuddle with your partner.

Encourage Emotional Expression to Prepare Older Siblings

Validate Their Feelings

Acknowledge and accept your child’s emotions, whether positive or negative, about the new sibling. Let them know it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. It might even be jealousy, fear, anger or sadness. Try to understand what is triggering the feeling, choose to respond instead of react to them. Try to validate their feelings and help them see the issue at hand from a different perspective.

Some of their major doubts maybe if they are less loved, how they can help, how to take care of the baby, etc. As parents we might also unknowingly hurt them. So try to adjust your behavior so they don’t feel left out or lost. If we slip at it, learn how to make repairs. Having said that, it is a tight rope walk, but you will do it just fine. Just believe in yourself and ask for help when needed!

Provide Outlets for Expression

Encourage your child to express their feelings through drawing, storytelling, or play. They could even do pretend play or role play with a doll to learn how to take care of a baby or how to help. This can be done much ahead of the new baby’s birth. Someone in the family can engage in these activities with them to better understand their thought process and to guide them accordingly.

Foster a Bond Between Siblings

Promote Prenatal Bonding

Encourage your child to talk or sing to the baby during pregnancy, helping to establish an early connection. Again, our story “Moon Welcomes a New Sibling & Discovers Her Superpowers” comes with a few tips on this. Involving the older sibling in setting up the baby’s room/ nursery is something else that can be done. You could even take them shopping when you are off to buy stuff for the newborn, or ask them if some of their old clothes/ toys can be used for the baby. Some kids might feel happy about being able to share, some may not. So handle your child appropriately.

Facilitate Early Interactions

One thing you can probably consider is cuddle a little with your older child before introducing the newborn baby. This might help to avoid any immediate jealousy. This is only if situation permits though. I have heard a lot of parents say that this strategy really helped them to start off on the right foot. After birth, involve your child in age-appropriate baby care tasks, like fetching diapers or choosing the baby’s outfit, to promote bonding. They can even help with getting burp cloths, holding towel for bath or just cuddling the baby. Older kids can even hold the baby or help push their strollers with some supervision.

Having said all this, do not force the child to do any task such that it starts to feel like a chore for them. You can ask if they want to help. Let them join if they feel like. Same goes with their attention span, since it is short at younger ages, if they want to switch to something else, like playing with their toys or draw, just let them be. Do not force them to linger against their will.

Most likely, if they have been prepared for the arrival of the baby, they will be eager to help and look for opportunities. In that case, try to involve them in little fun ways. It will definitely help them in understanding the baby better and also help in bonding.

Compliment Good Behavior and Gestures

When the older sibling does something nice for the baby, compliment their actions or thoughts. Remind them that the baby is lucky to have such a loving big brother or sister. This will help them realize that they are valued and also help in forming a bond between the siblings.

Prepare Yourself for Behavioral Changes

Anticipate Regression

Understand that your child may exhibit regressive behaviors, such as wanting a bottle or pacifier, wanting to be held, etc. Respond with patience and reassurance. Some kids even pee in bed (regress on toilet training), or refuse to sleep alone. Arrival of the baby is a major change for them just like it is for the rest of the family. While everyone else is grown-up enough they may not be able to understand the whole situation clearly at their age and level of understanding. So be kind and thoughtful. Try your best to not react. If you do, make sure you repair on time.

Offer Extra Attention

Provide additional affection and attention to help your child feel secure during this transition. You will encounter visitors who will get gifts only for the newborn and not your older child. If visitors are close friends or family, maybe you can ask them to get gifts for the older child also. To avoid hurt feelings at such times, make sure that you get them some gifts or their favorite treats. Do this also when the newborn arrives or at other important junctures. Remember that the newborn will still not be able to judge your behavior or be able to compare levels of affection, but your older child can. So be aware and alert as far as possible.

Another option could be to get grandparents or their favorite people to spend time with them. If you see unhappy eyes, sense uneasy silence or feel like they are acting out, sit down in your peaceful corner and talk to them. Believe me, your presence and the little efforts you put in to make them feel better and heard will help. Again try to understand their feelings, triggers and help them feel better.

Educate Through Resources & Prepare Older Siblings

Read Relevant Books

Utilize children’s books that discuss becoming an older sibling to help your child understand and anticipate the changes. Our first recommendation will definitely be our own – “Moon Welcomes a New Sibling & Discovers Her Superpowers“. Do let us know how your child and you find it too.

Watch Educational Shows

Consider age-appropriate programs that address sibling relationships to reinforce these concepts. Again, our first recommendation is our video based on the same story in the book. Well, you will be able to find a lot more videos on this topic. Do share your recommendations and feedback with us.

By implementing these strategies, you can help your older child adjust to the arrival of a new sibling, fostering a loving and supportive family environment.

Happy parenting!